- What was your final thesis statement? Paste, then analyze its strengths & weaknesses in a focused paragraph (considering specificity, taking a stance, narrow focus, needing evidence to defend).]
“Considering all the ways in which social media can rewire our brains, the most important piece is knowing why it is crucial to balance the digital and the physical world.”
While I don’t think this was the strongest thesis, I think it was pretty specific. In my essay, I talked about the effects of social media on the brain in 4/6 paragraphs. I also wrote about the benefits and downfalls to both the digital and physical worlds, and I took a clear stance toward the value of the physical world. A weakness in my thesis is that I never talked about how to balance the digital and physical worlds, I just stated the effects of them based off of my experience and the two articles.
2. In a separate paragraph, describe what you learned or were reminded of about your own writing process, from completing Paper #1.
I learned that I should have more confidence in my writing abilities. Going in, I was a bit apprehensive that it wouldn’t turn out how I wanted because I didn’t take a formal English class last year, so I haven’t written an in depth essay since my junior year of high school. After getting all my thoughts down and going back to revise my peer’s comments, I felt much more confident in my ideas and what I had written. I was reminded of my habit of procrastination which leaves me feeling overwhelmed when it comes to deadlines. The week the essay was due, I also had an exam and hockey tryouts, so my brain was going into overload. For next time I will make a better effort of managing my time better so that I do not need to ask for an extension again.
3. In another paragraph: Which aspect of revision did you focus on most? What changes or adjustments made your essay stronger? Be specific.
I mostly focused on the structure of my paragraphs and making ideas connect in the revision process. In the initial stage I like to write everything down that comes to mind and go back later to rearrange sentences and connect points to make sure the essay sounds cohesive. At first I had a few sentence long paragraphs that didn’t necessarily work on their own, so I incorporated those into other paragraphs by using connective sentences between ideas. I liked to make sure I had a good mix of I Say and They Say components in all my paragraphs, but there are a couple where there is more one than another. For example, in my second to last paragraph about Phelps-Roper I realized that there was a lot of summary, so I incorporated some “I” statements to help keep the balance.
4. How might you approach Paper #2 differently, from pre-reading and annotating, all the way through completion of your final draft?
I don’t think that there is a whole lot I will do differently, but I will make sure to continue answering the reading questions in depth, annotating, and highlighting helpful quotes during the pre-reading process. In the revision stage I thought it was very helpful to have a peer look over my work and provide both positive and constructive feedback. For next time, I will have someone else read my essay over again before submitting it, as I was unable to this time. During the editing process it was helpful to read my essay aloud to look for any grammatical errors or ways I could reword a sentence to sound more specific or clear.
